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Fear of failure (Pic by Sentavio via Freepik.com) |
Failure is a concept that strikes fear into the hearts of many individuals, including myself. This strong sense of fear of failure can paralyze us, preventing us from pursuing our dreams and reaching our goals.
I lost count of how many opportunities I passed up and rejected because I was convinced I would fail anyway.
It had only been a few years since I realized I should have just gone ahead and accepted the chance. Even if I ended up failing at those things, at least I tried.
What made me so afraid to take that first step? Why do we constantly pass up opportunities because we have this irrational fear that we will fail no matter what?
In this article, I would like to invite you to explore the reasons why we fear failure, what the consequences are, and how to overcome them.
The Reason Behind Fear of Failure and Its Consequences
The fear of failure can be deeply rooted in our upbringing, societal expectations, and personal experiences.
It stems from the belief that failure reflects our inadequacy, resulting in feelings of shame, embarrassment, and disappointment.
Here are two main reasons behind an intense fear of failure:
1. Fear of Judgment and Criticism
One of the biggest reasons people dread failing is the fear of being judged by others. We frequently worry about what others will think if we fail, which leads to a fear of taking risks and moving outside our comfort zones.
I recall having this exact thinking when I was younger. The most intense time was right after I graduated from college.
For a few months, I felt quite self-conscious. I doubted my abilities and capabilities, and declared myself unqualified for a position before even applying for it, and I was so terrified that if I made a mistake, it would damage my reputation or perhaps my parents'.
I didn't want to be perceived as a failure or useless. As a result, I tend to procrastinate or opt to pass up opportunities entirely to avoid the possibility of failure.
2. Fear of Not Meeting Expectations
Another cause of the fear of failure is the fear of not meeting personal or societal expectations. You may fear that you will disappoint yourself or others if you fail to achieve your goals. This fear can paralyze you and prevent you from taking risks and pursuing your passions.
I did, too, have this fear rooted deep within me before.
Nobody expected anything from me or demanded me to become a perfect adult from the get-go. But, growing up being known as a brilliant kid and student who excels in school, I was often complimented on my accomplishments, and I was so used to it. I was afraid that if I made even the smallest error, I would not receive the affirmation and appreciation I craved.
Furthermore, I am the first child in my family. I've always felt and been told as a child that I needed to set a good example for my younger siblings. As a result, I believed that I had to be perfect all of the time and be amazing at everything on the first try, which is obviously impossible.
Instead of motivating me to learn and do better, this thought paralyzed and trapped me inside my head for many years.
Manifestations of the Fear of Failure
The manifestations of the fear of failure can vary from person to person.
When faced with the prospect of failure, some people may exhibit physical symptoms such as increased heart rate, sweating, or trembling. Others may exhibit avoidance behaviors, such as refusing to participate in activities or projects where failure is a possibility, as I used to.
Fear of failure can also lead to perfectionism, which is an excessive need to achieve flawless results to avoid failure.
Overcoming the Fear of Failure
Here are some strategies to help you overcome your fear of failure based on my own experience and some recommendations I found during my web research.
1. Embrace a growth mindset
Instead of viewing failure as a reflection of your worth or abilities, adopt a growth mindset that views failure as a stepping stone toward improvement.
Recognize that failure is a natural and necessary part of the learning process, as well as an essential component of personal and professional development.
By adopting a growth mindset, you will be more open to taking risks and trying new things, even if failure is possible.
This shift in perspective can help you overcome your fear of failure and approach challenges with a sense of curiosity and resilience.
2. Set realistic goals
Set attainable and reasonable goals to save yourself from becoming overwhelmed. Divide your goals into smaller, more doable activities, and don't forget to appreciate each step along the way.
For example, instead of setting a large, unmeasurable goal like "deep cleaning the house," I divide it based on which room or area I want to focus on and break it down into much smaller tasks like this:
Kitchen Area:
- Wash all the dirty dishes
- Clean the kitchen sink
- Keep and arrange the unused cutlery and cooking ware inside the cabinets
- Clean the stove
- Clean the surface of the kitchen counter
- Mop the floor
Remember that making progress takes time, and it's okay to change your goals as needed. So, if you need to stop midway to handle something important, you could always modify the list and reschedule the time. We can't control external factors, therefore don't be too hard on yourself if you can't complete the task as intended.
3. Develop resilience
Remember that setbacks and challenges are a natural part of any journey, and it is vital to learn from them rather than get discouraged by them. Even when faced with difficulties, resilience will help you stay motivated and determined.
For example, let's say you are a student who fails an important exam. Instead of giving up, you should develop coping strategies for this kind of situation, such as creating a study schedule, seeking help from a tutor or classmates, and practicing mindfulness techniques to manage stress. You could also reach out to your loved ones for emotional support and engage in self-care activities like exercising and getting enough rest.
Yes, you might have already heard the same advice before. It's like when someone tells you to get enough sleep when you experience a headache. But sometimes it is all it takes to recover from failure and get a better result in the future.
So, I really encourage you to try it wholeheartedly. Because, through these actions, you could build resilience and learn from your failure, ultimately improving your study or work habits and achieving success in your future endeavors.
4. Challenge negative self-talk
The fourth, and I believe the hardest step to be taken, is to identify and challenge your negative beliefs about failure. Try to reframe failure as a learning experience.
By challenging negative self-talk, you can start to shift your mindset and view failure as an opportunity for growth rather than a reflection of your worth or abilities. This involves identifying and questioning the negative beliefs you hold about failure, such as viewing it as a personal flaw or a sign of incompetence. Instead, you can reframe failure as a valuable learning experience that can provide valuable insights and lessons for future success.
Also, try to practice self-compassion and self-acceptance toward yourself. By practicing self-compassion and self-acceptance, you can develop a more resilient and positive mindset that allows you to bounce back from failure and strive for better results in the future.
5. Seek support
Seek support from friends, family, or professionals to overcome the fear of failure, especially if it hinders you from functioning normally in your daily life.
Surround yourself with a supportive network that understands your fears and can provide guidance and encouragement. Those people can offer valuable advice and perspective, reminding you that everyone experiences setbacks and failures at some point in their lives.
Additionally, seeking professional help, such as therapy or counseling, can provide you with tools and strategies to manage your fear of failure more effectively. A trained professional can help you identify the root causes of your fear and work through any underlying issues that may be contributing to it.
Remember, you don't have to face your fear of failure alone. Reaching out for support is also a sign of strength and a crucial step towards overcoming it.
Conclusion
The fear of failure is a common experience that can hold us back from reaching our full potential.
By understanding the root causes, consequences, and manifestations of this fear, we can take proactive steps to overcome it.
With the right mindset, realistic goals, resilience, positive self-talk, and support, we can embrace failure as a natural part of growth and use it as an opportunity to learn, evolve, and ultimately achieve success.
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